If this gets out my family . . . mostly just M&M, will HATE me!
I'm a terrible, awful, no good, very bad person!
Ugh.
So.
What's grosser than gross?
This actual, true life story I'm about to share.
There once was a lady (that's me!) who was really super tired after a long Friday of errands and a youth Temple trip.
When she got home she knew she had yet another errand to run before other stuff (long story) and she was starving . . . and had a dehydration headache.
It was pathetic.
The thought of cooking, when it was 105F outside, was not appealing.
She thought something ELSE for dinner would be appealing.
She was wrong.
very,
Very,
VERY
WrOnG!
Anyhow, before she knew she was wrong, she said to her sweet husband, "Husband, why don't we run this errand and then on the way home you could stop and pick up some yummy shredded beef brisket for us from that yummy taco shop we love?"
Sweet husband happily agreed! Probably cuz it meant he wouldn't have to make himself yet ANOTHER nasty sandwich since there was not much food in this lady's house.
So, they went their seperate ways and then the sweet husband returned with the shredded beef "goods."
The family dug in with delight!
They were so happy for their shredded beef brisket tacos!
They were eating . . . and . . . eating.
Then the lady thought, "Hey, this meat kinda looks like a big blob of puke and is very colorful . . . to a fault!"
And so the lady began to wonder what was REALLY in this "shredded beef brisket."
She very carefully, and discreetly, and slowly began to pick through the small pile on her plate . . .
And as she picked . . . she noticed a . . . WHITE THING!
"This canNOT be good she thought, brisket is NOT white!!"
She slowly began to pull the white thing out of her hot pile of beef with her fork and low and behold!?!?!?!
IT WAS A TUBUAL!!
YES my dear readers, A TUBUAL!
What's a "tubual" you all ask?
It's the name the lady decided to give to a . . .
SERIES OF VEINS THAT SHE FOUND IN HER FOOD!!!
This lady immediately stopped eating.
Her stomach churned.
It winced.
It cried out in shock and HoRrOr!
NNNNOOOOOOOoooooo!!!
How could this be?!?!? How could our favorite un-named taco shop
HOW COULD THEY DECEIVE US SO????
And so the lady quickly stated she was full and hid the tubual under her napkin.
But, later, when no on was looking . . . she went back and . . .
TOOK A PICTURE!
Unfortunately, she later remembered that iphone pictures are garbage.
But still, she knew she needed to share as she could not deal with this alone.
Tubual people, TUBUAL!
VEIN!
HOLES!!
All those ends were HOLLOW!
The lady could have stuck this tubual under running water and the water would have SPURTED OUT OF ALL ENDS!!
Now the lady has trust issues.
She can't even stomach store bought bread.
She can't handle anything pre-packaged.
Except that half of a crescent she just ate.
But even so, she's having major food issues.
And the worst part?
SHE TOLD NO ONE UNTIL SHE TEXTED HER FRIEND IN CALIFORNIA!!
She LET her family eat the REST of it!!
Why? Because it WASN'T CHEAP!
And this lady IS cheap.
Now . . . She feels like a terrible person.
A traitor to her children!
A dishonorable member of her family!
How many tubuals did they eat yesterday?!?!?
And how many today?!?!?
Cuz YES, mi amigos, there were LEFTOVERS!
Her head now hangs low.
It hangs in shame and disgust . . . as the bile continues to churn in her very own . . .
tubuals.
AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
