I'm Baaaaaaaaaack! And Pinterest is Busted!

Oh my goodness . . . I'm baaaaaaaacccckkkkk!!! Can you believe it?

That's right, I'm back online, after almost three years, or maybe it's four? I should look but that's not going to happen. Why? Because I'm too traumatized by my dinner tonight.

I know, right?

After all these years, I'm "back" because I'm traumatized by my dinner? Yes my friends, yes, that is correct, back because of what just occured in my kitchen.

So here you go, my first posting in a lotta years.

Sooooo, 

Pinterest failed me in the recipe department again.

I made some chicken . . .

It's hot, 

spicy hot, 

make your nose run hot.

We had to dip it in ranch dressing to survive it.

But, let's back up a moment shall we???

For this recipe, I finally, after THIRTY SEVEN AND A HALF YEARS, pounded out some chicken breasts with a mallet.

Do you KNOW how TRAUMATIZING THAT IS???

CUZ it IS!

It went something like this:

First, I cut off all the nasties, like normal.

They looked good, like normal.

Then I got out the mallet and starting pounding and hitting and smashing them . . . it seemed very barbaric!

I wanted to cry.

I felt awful and dirty and disgusting.

I may have well gone and broken the poor chicken's neck myself  . . .

 . . . and chopped it's head off  . . . 

 . . . and then plucked all it's feathers . . . .

 . . . AND, to make matter worse, there were even some creepy things in there that was NOT chicken breast but like NECK TUBING or something and it was all bloody.

WHAT?!?!?!?!? Was the original butcher BLIND?!?!?!?!?! 

This is NOT OKAY IN MY BOOK PEOPLE!!

So anyways, I'm beating the snot outta this stuff and pieces of it are chunking off and flying all over the cookie sheet it's on.

Seriously, SO SICK AND WRONG!!

Anyways, so I finishing whacking the snot out of it and I take off the top layer of the wax paper and HOLY SCHNIKEES!!!

THERE'S A WHOLE NOTHER SLEW OF VEINS AND BLOODY THINGS AND WHITE THICK STRINGY THINGS IN THERE. WHAT THE FREAK?????

Hadn't I just gotten rid of ALLLLL OF THOSE???

Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh.

So I pull myself together and slop the rest of the mess together and roll it up and toothpick it and then think I feel like I should pray and repent for all the chaos I caused to that poor chickens body today.

It was terrible.

And to top it off, it burned the snot out of our mouths, nose running kind of heat, stupid cajun seasoning!

What a waste.

FAIL PINTEREST, FAIL!

Sometimes I think Pinterest is just one person . . . and they are laughing at me.